Letting Go
by Sigma
Summary: Sometimes you have to learn to let go...


Letting go  
  
Author: Sigma  
  
Disclaimer: I know nothing, I own nothing, and I'm really not worth suing. All characters here belong to the producers and creators of Dark Angel. And if they had had the sense to ensure the show continued I wouldn't have probably had to write this in the first place!  
  
Rating: PG – AU – M/A, M/Other - Angst  
  
Feedback – please, please – yes please! All welcome – it makes me write faster!  
  
Letting go  
  
"Max."  
  
She turned at the sound of his voice, her eyes betraying nothing more than polite curiousity.  
  
The blond transgenic ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly unsure of his footing. She had always been able to do that, reduce him to incoherence with one look out of her doe brown eyes. But now there was only patience and curiousity in the eyes that calmly scanned his face and suddenly more than anything he wanted her to curse him, to strike him, to show even the slightest flicker of indication that the passion she had once held for him still lurked underneath.  
  
But the eyes that held his own were tranquil and undisturbed, her body relaxed, unbothered by him or anything he might do.  
  
He shifted in place and started again.  
  
"I heard you were leaving."  
  
She nodded, the corners of her mouth stretching up in a smile.  
  
"Yeah." She cast a glance over his shoulder where her black haired mate was waiting for her, the sun gilding his cheekbones, meeting her blinding smile with a sardonic smirk and a blown kiss of his own.  
  
"Zane and I are heading up to Alberta. With this new amnesty and the citizenship provisions Canada is offering we thought it sounded like a good bet."  
  
Alec closed his eyes at the brisk happiness in her tone. So it was all true then, every last nightmarish rumour. When he opened them again she was regarding him with something maddingly like concern, her brow furrowed. Reaching out she placed a gentle hand on his bare forearm, her touch burning a hole in his skin.  
  
"Alec – are you okay?"  
  
He thumbed his eyes, wishing he had never asked, wishing he was anywhere but here, where the brisk impersonality of her touch was flaying him to the bone.  
  
"I'm fine. I just came to wish you a good trip."  
  
Her expression lightened at his denial, and she patted his arm gently, gifting him with a soft smile, setting forward to hug him goodbye, lips feather light on his cheek. It was gentle and soft and its very platonic impersonality killed the last vestiges of hope in his heart. She pulled away and inclined her head towards her mate where he was waiting impatiently beside the already loaded car.  
  
"Come and say goodbye to Zane. You guys always got on, right?"  
  
Even now unable to deny her anything he gave a curt nod and paced beside her as they covered the ground to the vehicle, his heart bleeding with every footfall. She quickened her pace as they got closer, eager to soak up her lover's vibrant physical presence, slipping an arm around his waist as he pulled her closer, dropping a kiss on her forehead as Alec swallowed convulsively, every action a brand to his soul.  
  
The other male held out a slim hand and he forced himself to take it, looking Max's ex "brother" in his dark eyes as they shook.  
  
"We'll miss you guys, but it seemed a great opportunity. Also I've got a cabin up north, so..." the other man shrugged.  
  
Alec coughed to clear a suddenly dry throat before replying, his voice rough and husky.  
  
"Yeah, we'll miss you guys too."  
  
He meant to keep his gaze on Zane as he spoke but found his eyes wandering briefly to Max's contented face as he spoke, memorising her features, knowing this last glance would have to last a lifetime. She smiled up at him, oblivious, but when his gaze tracked back to Zane's enigmatic face the other male was looking back at him with eyes that were strangely filled with sympathy and a certain wry acknowledgment. And as they exchanged glances Alec titled his head almost imperceptibly, questioning, and Zane inclined his chin slightly in return, answering the unspoken question, assuring him that he would protect the woman that they both acknowledged the other also loved.  
  
For a second the two men just stood, immobile, taking each other's measure and then Alec ended the stalemate, stepping back from the couple, breaking the deadlock, nodding to the other man.  
  
"Well – you'd better get going then if you want to make the border before dark."  
  
Zane nodded in acknowledgment as he dropped another kiss on Max's forehead, leaving her alone with Alec as he folded his lanky body into the driver's seat.  
  
The other man shifted from side to side, feeling uneasy under her gaze as she smiled at him with tolerant affection.  
  
"I'll miss you, you know."  
  
For a moment his heart stuttered and leapt, a dead instrument shocked into life. "You will?"  
  
Her smile turned wry around the edges.  
  
"Yeah. What other of my brother's is such a pain in the ass?"  
  
And just as quickly as it had leaped his heart fell and shattered on the ground. He forced a smile on his face that was more of a grimace than any genuine expression of happiness, but she didn't seem to notice, still wrapped up in the blissful bubble that had surrounded her ever since she had mated with Zane.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He "smiled" again.  
  
"We'll miss you too, Maxie."  
  
She shrugged. "You'll have plenty to do making Terminal City into a real city again. Nobody will have time to notice I've gone."  
  
Despite his resolve it was on the tip of his tongue to speak to her, to pour out all the passion he felt for her, to beg her to stay. But then he met her eyes again and the mixture of pure happiness and platonic affection for him shining there stopped him in his tracks. It was so clear that she didn't want him anymore, all that fire and desire for him that she had once held extinguished - and it was no one's fault but his own. Stepping back a step again, suddenly desperate to be away from her he shook his head in denial.  
  
"People will miss you, Max. And maybe when you come back there'll be a statute at the gates of TC. Max – the saviour of the human race..." his tone was wry and sardonic, even as they both acknowledged the fundamental truth of his light hearted remark.  
  
She chuckled, shaking her head in denial. "There should be a better reason to have a statute of yourself than just happening to have the right DNA."  
  
"Don't knock it. Billions of people owe their lives to that DNA. You'd better look after it."  
  
She acknowledged his warning with a nod, her eyes on him warm and affectionate.  
  
"We'd better get going."  
  
He nodded, agreeing. "Look after yourself Max."  
  
She smiled at him, eyes laughing. "You too, Alec. Try to not get into too much trouble when I'm not here to bail out your ass."  
  
He put a theatrical hand on his heart and mock staggered.  
  
"Me? Get into trouble? You wound me!"  
  
She only chuckled in response, shaking her head as she slipped around the car to the passenger seat and sat herself in beside her mate.  
  
Alec watched her steadily as she buckled herself in, imprinting her face in his memory, storing away all those little idiosyncrasies that made up the complex bundle of emotions that was the woman he loved. Finally forcing himself to look away he crossed gazes with Zane and was struck again by the strange mix of sympathy and compassion in the other man's eyes.  
  
"I'll look after her." The dark haired transgenics tone was soft enough that Max didn't notice, but Alec did and took his words as the promise and reassurance they were meant to be. He clenched his jaw, finally facing up to letting go.  
  
"See that you do."  
  
And with a final nod and a smile from Max and a rumble of engine noise the two of them pulled out of the deserted car park, heading for Canada and a new life together.  
  
Alec followed the departing vehicle with his eyes until the only remnants of their passing was the disturbance of the dust, unsure if the sudden pricking behind his eyes was due to dust irritation or tears caused by some other more nebulous emotion.  
  
He lost her again, this time for good with no chance of appeal. And it was all his own fault.  
  
When she had first broke up with Logan he had hung back, disbelieving her sincerity. But then when she had come seeking him, wanting him, he had rejected her, too afraid that she would leave him and go back to the Ordinary, too afraid of the pain she could cause him, to make that leap of faith. And when it became clear that the Ordinary was permanently out of the picture due to that most absolute of severed ties – death, he had turned her away again, rejecting her when she had come to him, grief stricken, with tears drying on caramel cheeks. He had been too much a coward to hold her as she had begged him to, too scared of the power of his emotions to listen to her when she wanted to talk, too determined not to let her hurt him to even hear what she had to say.  
  
So she had naturally gone to someone else.  
  
And by the time he had realised what a fool he had been she was already lost to him, falling deeply and absolutely in love with the one who had been willing to listen, had been willing to hold her and had no compunctions about being a sounding board for her to unload her heart to.  
  
Her newly rediscovered "brother" Zane.  
  
He could still remember the ripping pain he had felt the first time when he had seen her enclosed in a somewhat less than brotherly embrace, the first time when he had heard her laughter bubbling out again at some sly sally the dark haired man had made, and the first time when he had heard been forced to stomach the shy pride in her tone as she introduced Zane to him as her mate.  
  
Her mate. The place that had always been meant for him.  
  
But he had assumed too much, convinced that she would always be there once Logan was gone, convinced that time would stand still for her until he conquered his fears, convinced that she had known the depths of his feelings and would wait patiently until he was willing to respond to her repeated overtures.  
  
But instead his coolness and repeated rejections had dampened the flame she held for him until it merely guttered. And then the love and concern her brother had shown her, in stark contrast to Alec's studied cool demeanour, had finally put it out for good.  
  
Alec turned his head away from the cloud of dust that still blanketed the ground and moved away into the shadows. Shadows that seemed to him more than ever his natural home, now that the light that had burned so brightly beside him had left forever.  
  
Shakespeare had once said that it was better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Alec snorted in disdain. The man had been a fool.  
  
And slipping further into the shadows that would be his home from now on, 494 walked away, leaving his heart and his hope shattered on the ground behind him, the memory of her last brilliant smile haunting him, as he knew it would, for the rest of his days.  
  
You need but lift a pearl-pale hand,  
And bind up your long hair and sigh;  
And all men's hearts must burn and beat;  
And candle-like foam on the dim sand,  
And stars climbing the dew-dropping sky,  
Live but to light your passing feet. 


End file.
